A million ancient bees, began to sting our knees.

I went shopping with Dani today and we talked briefly about grandpa. Or, more specifically, grandpa's rebound girl. Dani's side of the family went out to lunch with her and grandpa the other week and Dani didn't say a single word to her. It was a happy moment when she told me that.

Mary Bookhardt is not my grandmother.
I love her to pieces,
However,
She does not have a place in our family.

I'm being hateful. I don't care.

I want my old grandma back. I have absolutely no use for a new one.

Shane and Shane absolutely kills me.

Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone

Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken

Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need

Awaken

How long? How long? How long?

For sure.

Stale

Cross country is not fun anymore.

I am improving without feeling good about it. I train every day with coaches who aren't encouraging. I think about racing and don't get butterflies. I am on a team without truly being a part of it. The majority of the reason I run is to outdo John Wilson's running career.

I do not want to run anymore.

People don't learn.

I don't get mad. Really and truly, in all the 17 years I've been on this Earth, I can count on one hand the times I've been angry.

1. 2007 - Ben called me during my mission trip to tell me that I was not saved
2. 2006 - Mike decided we were not friends anymore and gave no explanation
3. 2004 - Giovanni called me a lesbian
4. 2008 - My grandma died because the doctors did not do their job in December
5. I can't even think of a 5.

Irritated? Yes. Frustrated? Yes. Angry? Rarely.
I have no reason to be angry with someone for trying to improve an aspect of my character that I might not have noticed was flawed. Don't worry.

"Your hand would taste better than this food."

In the interest of saving myself a few explanations of how Teen Camp was, just read it here.

I was able to help 3 girls with family situations similar to mine, and I ended up making a much bigger difference than I had thought in the moment. I read Ephesians every day, twice a day. I lost 6 pounds. I played Spades for 4 hours and will never ever play it again. I got spooked by a thunderstorm for the first time in my entire life. I was in a talent show skit about a magical cone who recited the lyrics to "My Favorite Things." I lost my voice. I found a boy who thinks I am funny and spent the majority of Thursday and Friday laughing with him about nothing. I got hit in the throat with a dodgeball and the ear with a frisbee. I ate pizza at one in the morning. I swing danced with Scott. I played with dogs that did not belong to me. All 19 pairs of hands went up when Tony asked who wanted to share something about me at the end of the week.

In all honesty, I made one new friendship this week that I expect to last beyond the beginning of the school year. And it isn't even a "new friendship," it's someone I had been acquainted with since December and just never spent more than 5 minutes at a time with. But as disappointing as it was to not make 50 new friends this week, spending time with Brandon was good enough. He protected me from dodgeballs and lightning and being lonely. I'm so glad he's still going to be in Orlando for college.

I enjoyed one sermon this week, and it was Bronson's sermon on death. Sorry to be morbid.

Teen Camp was nothing compared to Leesburg, and I'm not going to apologize for saying so.

10,000 Spoons

I leave for Teen Camp tomorrow night.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm the one who made this decision or if it was the work of the people around me, but I think I'm happy about it. Maybe.